Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
