The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
