The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
