I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
