did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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