Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
soo... how was my night?
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