Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
this is an emotional support booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
