we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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