My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
