I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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