My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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