Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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