HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
