Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
