Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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