I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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