so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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