im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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