So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
