I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need a beard to bite.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
