didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
