we have officially lost it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
