i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
