He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Terrible idea I love it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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