Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
