so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
