I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
