1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
