he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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