the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
