hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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