I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
