The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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