Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
cat food counts as protein by the way
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
