In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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