For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
