never play flip cup with pint glasses
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
