Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize