I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
