and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
