What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
