wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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