Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
