i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
