I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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