were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The air was thick with penises
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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