I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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