Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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