He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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