oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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