Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He did a backflip because drugs
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
