We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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