Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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