I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
