quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
