The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
