My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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