We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
