cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
