The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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