Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
