Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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