after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize