Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
