I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
