I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
