i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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