Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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