When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
