I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Little spoons don't ask big questions
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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