just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
