Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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