Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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