I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
