Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
