so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
