her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
