That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
